Sunday, June 26, 2011

The Cost of a Hero

A few weeks ago Anna suggested a great idea! Since we both love to write and we have been best friends for over twenty years we pretty much know more about each other than any one else. We both have been writing since we were old enough to string words together to make sentences. (My mother still has a copy of the first article I had published in my high school news paper when I was sixteen. I can't believe she held on to it this long. I won't go in to how long ago that has been!) Anna suggested that we write a poem together. She wrote the first line then e-mailed it to me, then I wrote the next and e-mailed it back to her. This went on back and forth until we had, what I think, is a really fun and really great piece. I am, with her permission, going to share it with all of my other friends. We have decided to call it "The Cost of a Hero", in honor of the soldiers who have died fighting for our freedoms throughout the history of our country and the loved ones they left behind.

1 Well this isn't right, three hours past midnight and still I stare at the wall
2 the stars are hidden and the moon unbidden as I learn of my lover's fall
3 I'll miss you he said and got out of bed on that gray and misty morn
4 He caressed my cheek, making me weak, his touch so soft and warm
5 It's hard to believe that I couldn't conceive a life of solitude then
6 He was in my heart, he became a part of my soul from beginning to end
7 The thoughts of the finish begin to diminish in an amber pool of whiskey
8 It seems so wrong now that he's gone I still feel when he kissed me
9 Those are the days in my manic haze that bring him back to life
10 I prayed to the gods with held back sobs I was a warriors wife
11 finally I fell, two miles into hell and there at the bottom I stayed
12 It raged in my mind time after time, memories of the love that we made
13 Somber days seen through a purple haze, the tribe has lost their hero
14 As I count the cost of all I have lost, it burns me to the marrow

Hope ya'll have a great July 4th and remember not only those who have died, but also those who gave of themselves and survived. They all need our honor and our support. Where would we be without them?

Saturday, December 5, 2009

That Time of Year Again! Happy Hollidays!

Well, Christmas time is here again and I will soon hit the age of 53. That will be Christmas Eve, for those who don't know that already. I sometimes look back on my life and wonder, "What if". What if I had gone to college instead of marrying my first husband? What if I had chosen to marry someone else instead? Would I have been blessed with children? Grandchildren? Would I be alone now? You always wonder about the road not taken. You are given choices in your life and you have to make the best of them. I made some bad choices and I made some great choices and I guess that is what life is really all about, right?

My philosophy on life is: Grab on with both hands and don't let go! Take those classes at the community college if you want. Learn to scuba dive. Go white water rafting. Climb those rocks, if that is what you want. Dance. Laugh. Love. With all of your being. When you are ready to leave this world, you will know that you have lived. Never let anyone keep you down. Someone once told me, when I was complaining about getting no respect, that people treat you the way you teach them to treat you. If you show no respect for yourself, no one else will either. It took me a long time to learn that but once I did, my entire life changed. I now know that the people I care about, care about me in return. I no longer feel like a unloved and unwanted nobody. You should try it. It really works.

With the holidays comes stress. You have to find that perfect gift for that special someone. You battle the masses at the malls. Fight for even the farthest parking space, and then you have to search through the stores that are filled with cranky salespeople who only want to get home and off their aching feet. Can you really blame them? Once you have found the gifts, after hours and hours of searching, going from store to store, you now have to lug it home and wrap it before tucking it safely beneath the artificial tree trimmed with bright colored blinking lights and hand made ornaments. Now, you can relax, right? Wrong. You realize you forgot to get a special gift for that friend at work or your brother and now you have to wage the battle again tomorrow. It is never ending. The true sentiment has been lost in all of the commercialism that has become what is supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year".

My advice? Don't! Don't brave the malls. Don't haunt the department stores at the ridiculous hours of before dawn sales just to save 10%. Find something that you can all do together as a family. Help out at a homeless shelter. Collect clothes and blankets to donate to those in need. Pack up a bunch of sandwiches and hand them out to the homeless that you see wandering the streets. Isn't this what the term "Peace on Earth, and Good Will toward men" truly means?

I hope you all have a great and memorable holiday. Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year to all of you!

Sunday, November 8, 2009


Hello friends,
It has been a while since I have posted and there really isn't that much to tell. I am well and content, I guess, that I still have a job and am basically healthy, other than arthritis. I want to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving this year. I am planning on having my friend Julie over for Thanksgiving. Since we are both alone and have no family close by. We have been sharing this holiday since my husband, Don, died almost seven years ago.

A lot of people would say that with just the two of us we should just go out for a celebratory dinner and forgo all the work that would be involved with preparing a holiday feast. But I ask you, what fun is there in that? I so enjoy the feeling of preparing a meal that will be enjoyed by those you care about, and who care about you. The feeling of accomplishment; the tantalizing aromas of a roasting turkey with all the trimmings that makes the mouth water and overwhelms the senses. The feel in the crisp fall air that brings back the childhood memories of family feasts. Holidays where the entire family has gathered round to celebrate those special moments that, these days, are so few and far between. When you are alone those memories wrap around you like a warm blanket on a cold day and chase away the loneliness that seems to permeate the air on any other given day. The holidays are a time for giving and loving and helping others. These are my favorite months of the year. It's that special feeling you get when you see the joy in someone's face when all you have to do is smile at them and wish them a happy Thanksgiving. Although it is an American holiday, I wish the sentiment of this season could be felt around the world. A time to say thank you for the blessings that we have received throughout the year. Even those who have so little can find something to be thankful for, even if it something as simple as not being in pain, emotional or physical, or perhaps just being alive for one more day. That is always something to be thankful for. Life is a precious gift. We should all be thankful for it.

I want to especially wish all of our soldiers stationed all over the world; fighting for our freedom and our right to celebrate these holidays that we so often take for granted, a heartfelt thank you for your sacrifices. There are so many of them that are fighting violent terrorists who only want to subjugate the rest of the world. From the bottom of my heart, I THANK YOU!!! Many of you will not be alive to celebrate with your families and I want to wish your families my best to them and let them know that they will always be in my heart and my prayers for their sacrifices.


Here is something that I thought y'all might enjoy.

The Lady the Eagle and the Bell

In a field of royal blue,
Fifty stars are standing proud,
As thirteen stripes dance in the wind,
Above the cheering crowd.
Our allegiance we feel strong,
Deep within our heart
Each one of us vowing
To do our patriotic part.
With a wounded wing
And a tear for those who died,
Our blessed eagle soars
Across the morning sky.
The evil of the madmen
Have tried to break our will
Although or twins have fallen
Our resolve is stronger still
Our freedom we hold dearly
Too many heroes fell
They are guarded closely
By the Lady in the harbor,
The eagle and the bell.

Written by:
Kathy J. Porter
Copyrights 2001 kjp Kathy J. Porter

Friday, October 16, 2009

The weather is getting chillier now and fall is definately here. I love the crisp smell that comes into the air and the subtle colors that are changing as the days go by. Soon it will be Halloween, then Thanksgiving and before you know it it will be Christmas and then New Years! I was told many times as I was growing up that the older you get the faster time goes by and that you shouldn't wish your life away.

I remember when I was ten I wished that I was sixteen. When I was sixteen I wished that I was eightteen and the list goes on and on. I guess we are lucky that most wishes don't come true. You have heard the old saying be careful what you wish for because you just might get it? Well, so far none of the wishes that I have made have come true. NONE!! I guess I have been wishing for the wrong things. That's life. You take what you get and you should be happy with it.

The one regret that I have is that I never went to college. When I was younger I didn't know about all the opportunities that were out there and the grants and student loans that were available. Now that I am in my fifties I feel like it is to late for me to go back to school. I have always wanted to be a writer and I have even written a manuscript. I think I have mentioned that before. I know there are a lot of things that I don't know, and should, about writing and getting published. I guess I just wasn't ambitious enough to fight for what I really wanted and now I don't have the energy to fight, nor the motivation. It has been lost in the miasma of my life and right now I can't see anything in the future for me except more of the same. I do sound morose, don't I? Sorry.

I have been working all of this overtime at work and I still can't seem to get ahead financially. The more money I make it seems that there are more people out there with their hands out demanding it.

One last wish: I wish I could win the lottery jackpot!!!

What can I say, old habbits die hard.


Saturday, October 3, 2009

It is getting harder and harder for me to find the time to blog. I can only do it on the weekends now and I have been working so much over time at work that when I get home at night I just want to relax. There really hasn't been much going on to really write about. The weather is turning really nice now and the trees are starting to turn in the mountains. I haven't had a chance to take a drive to see the fall colors this year but it ain't over yet.

The new "Twilight" movie is coming out in November, "New Moon". I really have to go see it. I really like the first movie and it was really close to the book. I hope this one is too.

I am really hoping to get some of my bills paid off this year so that when Tammie and Mom come down here we can start looking for a house.

Now I think I am just rambling from boredom and I really think I might be losing it. I have no interest in anything other than reading and going to see a movie once in a while. I used to have a life. I used to be able to go out with friends and do things like walking the mall or going to the zoo or even going bowling but now with the arthritis so bad in my hips an knee I can't do anything that I used to really enjoy. I am trying to lose weight which I keep hearing will help alleviate some of the stress and pain but I still can't walk much and my right knee won't bend enough for me to even go up and down stairs without a cane. I am only 52 years old! I have a lot of life left in me to live and I really don't want to live it in a chair watching other people my age and older having the times of their lives. It just isn't fair! When I was a kid I was not allowed to go places and do things with my friends because my grandmother never trusted me not to get myself into trouble. I don't know why because I never really gave her any reason to mistrust me that I can recall. For a brief period in the late 70's and early 80's I did have some fun times but as I look back I feel that I should have done more with my life. I should have found a way to go to college to get the education that I needed to do what I really wanted to do. I have always wanted to be a writer. Now I have tried to write a manuscript and have even finished it but I have been trying for almost 3 years now to find an agent and get my book published. I just don't have the right crudentials I guess.

Enough of the pity party! At least I have a life, a job, a car that is paid off, and a roof over my head. I make enough to make ends meet. That is more than a lot of people in this country have. I should count myself lucky.

I better go for now.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Upstairs neighbors!

I know a lot of people would never live in a down stairs apartment but with me it is a necessity. I have severe arthritis in both hips and right knee. I have already had my left knee replaced a couple of years ago. But, be that as it may, my upstairs neighbor has been pounding on something, that sounds like the floor, for the past half hour. It is very difficult to concentrate on what I am doing. I like to read. I read a lot. I would rather read than watch television but with her pounding and what sounds like jumping up and down, it is really hard to concentrate on what I am reading so I decided to try to do a little net surfing. That isn't easy with all the racket either. What can you do? I really don't want to complain to the office an become a nuisance because I have to live here. I guess I will just have to suffer with it. Although she could have a little consideration for the people that live in the same building.

Enough of that. Bill gave me a USB speaker system for my computer because the sound went out on my computer. It doesn't work. I guess I will just have to live with it for a while. I am hoping that next January when I get my income tax refund back I will have enough to get a new computer.

Oh well, there really isn't much else to say right now. I did go to Walmart and bought the movie "Twilight" and the newest book "Breaking Dawn" which is the fourth book in the series. Tammie said it was better than the other three. I watched the movie and I thought it was really good. It wasn't as good as the book but as far as movies go, this was really good.

I am going to get back to reading. I will write more later


Friday, September 4, 2009

Back to Work

Well, I guess you all know I am back to work now after my vacation. It always goes by so fast. I had such a wonderful time with Tammie and Mom! We didn't really do anything much except hang out together and we went out to eat several times. Of course Mom had to go to "Joe's Crab Shack". That was a given. We went to Walmart several times too. I don't know what it is about that store but it always seems to have everything I need and it is just so easy to relax there.

Man, I sound like a commercial testimonial! That isn't what I mean to do, it just comes out like that.

Well, Tammie's dog, "Hokey", a nine month old Boston Bull dog, was along for the ride when they came down for vacation. He is the cutest thing but boy is he a fart head. He even answered to that by the time they were ready to leave. He loved to jump on my lap and play at biting my fingers and licking my arms when I was trying to read. But you can't help but love the little stinker.

While Tammie was here she had the book, "Twilight". After she was finished reading it I had to take her to Barnes and Noble to get the other two books in the series. She read all three books while she was here and then left them here for me to read. Now, to be honest, I was never really thrilled about the hype that I had been hearing about the books and the movie so I started reading it with less than enthusiasm. It wasn't long before I caught the gist of the book. I never really cared about teenage love but this book is pretty good. I am finished with the first two books and am now starting on the third one. I am addicted to reading and I have to finish what I start. I am a little more enthusiastic now than I was in the beginning. I think I would like to see the movie now that I have read the books. Just to see how Hollywood brings it to life. Most of the time when I read a book and a movie is made from it I am bitterly disappointed in the movie. Who knows, maybe it is an unwritten law that the movies have to suck.

Well, to all of my friends and family, if you still read my blog, I can't wait for Mom and Tammie to get moved down here. Of course, like all siblings, there will be times of discord but all in all it will be great to have family around. It has been way to long since I have had family around on a permanent basis.

Hope you all have a wonderful day!